Inner Magic

Magical space
buried deep under layers of
growing up and becoming an adult

Elves and fairies
pixie dust and flying
golden glitter turning shades of blue, purple or green

Land of make believe
land of nod
hidden but not gone

Imaginary friends
placed on a shelf
wrapped in memories
set aside
not cast away

Dragons and unicorns
precious moments
bound by social rules
had to be tucked away

Bizarre, peculiar, outlandish, outré
to make room for reality

But magic seeps up
in unusual ways
beautiful melodies
twinkle of an eye
curious observations
outrageous hair

Weird, zany, unconventional, strange
magic may be buried
but it is still there


I have already lost them
it happened a long time ago
one day a decision was made
there was no turning back
Reality is harsh
denial a trap
the sooner I find acceptance
healing can begin

Little boy optimism
little girl hugs
drifting away ephemerally
like the puff of a dandelion
blowing in the wind

Dreams die hard
I do not want to let go
this is not how it is supposed to be

I want a fairy tale
a castle in the sky
I want promises of happily ever after

When did it happen
my world falling in upon itself
when did the yellow brick road
become a bed of hot coals

Every phone ringing
brings a fear of the worst
every siren
a racing heart

A pasted on smile
a mask for the world to see
so difficult to accept
you are lost to me

When did I lose myself
how can I get her back

If I don’t have hope
what is left

My Secret Weapon

(image credit: Njuguna)

The world is my oyster
pacing in nervous anticipation

All is ready
to burst in glorious colors
raucous symphony

Seams are taut
stretching in excitement
doors bulging with opportunity
Creativity has arrived

Smile is broad
grin is captivating
twinkle in eye
cannot be denied

This is my reality
my excitement
my joyful ammunition


(internet photo)

Embrace the moment
capture the spirit
a feeling rare to behold

When ardor dims
wrinkles set in
where will we be

A friendship
warm and kind
togetherness still desired
sharing thoughts and hopes
goals achieved together

I want a ready smile
a hug
a companion
I want someone comfortable to be near
someone who can abdicate power
or dictate when necessary

I want someone who enjoys nature
appreciates beauty
who is confident
able to share without unrealistic demands

I want someone who lifts my spirits
whose spirits are buoyed by my presence
I want someone who can help me
turn my dreams into reality

I want you

Resetting Rhythms


(photo credit:

They came
in two and threes
slowly arriving for a weekend
of relaxation and rejuvenation

The excuse was to play cards
learn more strategy
become better players
A tradition started long ago

reset rhythms
escape the hustle and worry
of everyday life

Duty and guilt
always make their appearance
Pipe up with reasons
why this time away
is self indulgent
a decadent treat to self
family suffers while moms are away
chores are left undone
commitments are not met

true, true and true


Time has shown
good food
talking to the wee hours of the morning
staying in pjs all day if you want to
along with playing cards
is good for the soul

Friendships are reconnected and strengthened
rhythms are reset
a weekend of self indulgence
proves to be an endowment
for the future
a gift of a better self

My Reality

As I release my disillusionment
Morgan raises her sleepy head
and sits up on the warm, moss covered rock
where she lay
She cocks her head
and looks quizzically in my direction

My hands are raised in supplication
tears fall silently down my cheeks
I am abandoning what I thought was
and I am facing what is
It hurts

Morgan says nothing
watching in silence

My heart is breaking
as I release my idea of what a family should be
media driven ideas of mother, father, children and a dog
social ideas of a nuclear nest that is warm, nurturing
a source of comfort

My reality is a reality of divorce
not amicable
custody battles
fighting for my children
fighting for my sanity

I look at Morgan
she remains silent
but I see compassion in her eyes

The emptying of my hurt continues

My reality is a reality of new beginnings
re marriage
step parenting
Welcoming more children into my life
I cry as I am accepted by these young people
but continue to face rejection by my own

My reality is a reality of joy but also disappointment
it is with the disappointment
where disillusionment lies
hopes and dreams dashed

Reality is hard to face
I want to hang on to what I want to believe
not the reality that is in my face

To have a child facing jail time is a harsh reality
what happened? where did we go wrong?
the blame game explodes to the surface
and is difficult to quell

To have a child feeling so distressed
they try to take their own life –
that is a much harsher reality

Morgan gasps and comes to my side
her silence continues
but her presence is comforting

The desire to help, take away the pain
make it better for my child
is consuming
but ineffective
I am rebuffed, accepted, rebuffed again
I can no longer hold any illusion of my world
Reality is before me and cannot be ignored

Morgan embraces me and holds tight
I feel safe, secure, protected
and wish I could do the same
for my family

As I embrace Morgan
I embrace hope
hope for healing of tormented minds
and restoration of severed relationships
I hope for loving kindness to prevail
for peace and well being for myself and my children

I hope for a new reality