The Moment by Margaret Atwood

treesonhill

The moment when, after many years
of hard work and a long voyage
you stand in the centre of your room,
house, half-acre, square mile, island, country,
knowing at last how you got there,
and say, I own this,

is the same moment when the trees unloose
their soft arms from around you,
the birds take back their language,
the cliffs fissure and collapse,
the air moves back from you like a wave
and you can’t breathe.

No, they whisper. You own nothing.
You were a visitor, time after time
climbing the hill, planting the flag, proclaiming.
We never belonged to you.
You never found us.
It was always the other way round.

Despondent

Air is charged
electric
stifling
Try to breathe but can only gasp
cannot inhale deep enough
cannot draw air in

Want to lay down
want to run, escape
want to read
to forget
dive into someone else’s story
so do not have to face own

Tears surface but refuse to fall
accompanying lump in throat
swells
contributing to difficulty breathing

Count…
one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three

a polka that needs to be taken down to a waltz

over and over again
count repeated until moment passes
and calmness returns

Energy is drained
but have survived
did not drop into bottomless pit
Great sadness closes in
yet life can go on

A little piece
the tiniest sliver
of self
has been restored
and can go on

But the monster comes back
furious
angry to have been kept at bay
Thrashing
consuming

All that can be done
is ride the wave of tears

tumble
roll

one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three…

Feel the pain
acknowledge guilt

Breathe

Look for the shining little sliver of self
hold on tight
despite bleeding hands
and shattered heart
hold on
hold on
to go on

Sharing

love
(internet photo)

Embrace the moment
capture the spirit
a feeling rare to behold

When ardor dims
wrinkles set in
where will we be

A friendship
warm and kind
togetherness still desired
sharing thoughts and hopes
goals achieved together

I want a ready smile
a hug
a companion
I want someone comfortable to be near
someone who can abdicate power
or dictate when necessary

I want someone who enjoys nature
appreciates beauty
who is confident
happy
able to share without unrealistic demands

I want someone who lifts my spirits
whose spirits are buoyed by my presence
I want someone who can help me
turn my dreams into reality

I want you

Hurting

sadness_by_s1yk
(image by s1yk)

It hurts so much
I’m not sure where I feel the pain
I know my life will never be the same

The path I’ve chosen isn’t an ordinary one
I wonder if the worst is over
or yet to come

Strength to climb mountains
courage to fly high
but facing rejection
my heart withers and dies

I know it has to happen
I know this will pass
but right at this moment
I don’t think I can last

It hurts so much
I’m not sure where I feel the pain
I wonder if my life
will be happy again

Ignited

Ember glows hot
Fire not quite out
Glowing coal lay waiting for exact moment
to burst
combustion
conception
a flaming demented life
irrational
uncontrollable
racing here and there
no apparent course

Ignites in a flash
consumes all in its path
consumes itself
destruction
hollow burnt shell
ashes
all that remain