Disbelief

Today’s post was inspired by the current media discussion of violence against women following allegations against former CBC broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi. A question I saw earlier today asked, “How many women must speak out to equal the voice of one man?”

The room is dark
suffocating dark
Panic inducing lack of light despite sunny skies
autumn colors outdoors

It is a race to that safe place
before the spark is completely snuffed
before the dark becomes
consuming
overwhelming
overtaking all

A tiny haven awaits
sanctuary of sacred flame
buried deep within
pathway hidden

Alarm signals shrieking!
All senses on high alert!
Survival systems kick into high gear
“Do not let the flame be doused. Hold on to the light
at all costs”

Watching events unfold
as from a distance
Denial
Detachment
Betrayal

Trust is broken
cleaved into pieces by a
swift action
Shattered
Shards vibrating
Questioning
Why is this happening?
How can this be happening?

Violence
Heaving

Quiet

It has stopped

Darkness is all around

Blinded by emotion
quivering
fatigue
shame

It has stopped

But the journey
to recapture the flame
has just begun
It is buried deep
protected

A silent tear escapes

Lost

I have already lost them
it happened a long time ago
one day a decision was made
there was no turning back
Reality is harsh
denial a trap
the sooner I find acceptance
healing can begin

Little boy optimism
little girl hugs
drifting away ephemerally
like the puff of a dandelion
blowing in the wind

Dreams die hard
I do not want to let go
this is not how it is supposed to be

I want a fairy tale
a castle in the sky
I want promises of happily ever after

When did it happen
my world falling in upon itself
when did the yellow brick road
become a bed of hot coals

Every phone ringing
brings a fear of the worst
every siren
a racing heart

A pasted on smile
a mask for the world to see
so difficult to accept
you are lost to me

When did I lose myself
how can I get her back

If I don’t have hope
what is left

Empathy

(This piece was inspired by imagining what the parents of the young man who killed five fellow students must be going through)

I hear you speak
but the words don’t make sense to me
My mind is swirling
thoughts flying in and out
too quick to capture
Maybe this…
What about that…
a fierce competition for my attention

Focus
one thing at a time
calm down
breathe deeply
Now, what were you saying?
A barrage of words assault me
and it takes every bit of willpower
to comprehend what the babble means

Instinctively I am in denial
I do not want to hear the message
coming my way

When I became a parent
I never thought this would
be a message for me

Your child is in trouble
Your child has been hurt
Your child is gone…
Your child is the per pe tra tor

Nothing prepared me
for a foreign message like that
My heart swells
it breaks
part of me shatters
and runs to the shadows
a place where no one can find
me

If they can’t see me
it can’t be real, right?

it can’t be real
it can’t be real

The world sees a monster
a psychopath
I see a sick child
my beautiful son

where is the little boy
I once knew?