Aren’t We All A Little Crazy At Times

tracks

Everything is set in motion.

Even if we wanted to

we can’t stop the train

hauling us into a future

we can’t know.

Comfort and security

habit and norm

blur scenes

fall to the wayside.

My heart skips a beat

out of rhythm

out of balance

missing

a sense of direction.

 

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

heart-192957_960_720i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

by e.e. cumming

Inspiration from Mary Oliver

Song of the Builders

On a summer morning
I sat down
on a hillside
to think about God –
 
a worthy pastime.
Near me, I saw
a single cricket;
it was moving the grains of the hillside
 
this way and that way.
How great was its energy,
how humble its effort.
Let us hope
 
 
it will always be like this,
each of us going on
in our inexplicable ways
building the universe.
 
from Why I Wake Early (2004)

Primitive Figures

caveart

(internet photo)

Her voice, a gentle breeze
softly turns my ears.
Her eyes, dark waters,
submerge her hard earned wisdom.
A newsprint roll is tucked under an armpit.
Primitive figures on colorful cards she is selling,
dance behind dirty plastic.
She brushes stray hairs from her face.

I smile across our class, our heritage, our histories.
We are two feet apart, miles away from contact.
She lowers her eyes. I squirm in my casual trappings.

I offer money to purchase her cards. I talk too fast,
smile too broad. My rabbit-hopping heart cannot
keep up to my whirling dervish mind. The heavy air is
difficult to breathe.

She chants gratitude, over and over, head bowed.
I tell her, “It is nothing, really, no problem at all.”
I leave, my center hollow,
nothing to redeem me,
nothing at all.

Lost

I have already lost them
it happened a long time ago
one day a decision was made
there was no turning back
Reality is harsh
denial a trap
the sooner I find acceptance
healing can begin

Little boy optimism
little girl hugs
drifting away ephemerally
like the puff of a dandelion
blowing in the wind

Dreams die hard
I do not want to let go
this is not how it is supposed to be

I want a fairy tale
a castle in the sky
I want promises of happily ever after

When did it happen
my world falling in upon itself
when did the yellow brick road
become a bed of hot coals

Every phone ringing
brings a fear of the worst
every siren
a racing heart

A pasted on smile
a mask for the world to see
so difficult to accept
you are lost to me

When did I lose myself
how can I get her back

If I don’t have hope
what is left

Deception

tear
(photo credit: paulocoelhoblog.tumblr.com)

you think your actions are hidden
they are not
you think you are stealthy
your steps reverberate across the plain

eyes see what you believe is unseen
dark shines bright
shadows illuminate

echoes of actions
return to haunt

forgotten splintered emotions
surface
pierce tranquility
draw fresh wounds

tears
briny solution
wash away
remorse
droplets of forgiveness
hint at hope

Phone Call

My telephone rings
jangling nerves with its chime
an unexpected call
my world changes

I hear your voice
quiet, calm, self assured
distance obliterated in an instant

I hear your voice
could there be a lovelier sound
my heart sings

a prayer answered
release of held breath

hope and happiness arrive
delivering a restorative message
“we are still here
we haven’t gone far”

I dare to accept hope
to take a chance
to believe that all will be well
equilibrium gained

I dare to believe in happiness
for you
for me

I dare to believe that you will find healing
solace
a way to deal with your addictions

I dare to believe that I will find acceptance
letting go
the ability to watch you fall
so you may rise above the demons that have tormented you

to believe we will find renewal
peace
a way to move on

my telephone rings
calming nerves with its chime
my world changes