Pinball Thinking

pinball

(internet photo)

Random thoughts
roll through my brain.
A pinball pattern
navigates a maze of ideas.
Emotional bumpers
flip
free ball thinking
to light up fear or anger,
ring bells of relief or laughter.
Cognitive displays
flash and wobble
to warn of danger,
alert
what must be done next.
Points are awarded,
a second chance given
when I can rebound
not held captive to speculation
in a zone of no return.
I see a kickout hole opportunity
to adjust attitude and attention,
regain direction.
Noise buzzing around me
cue connections
to keep on going.
Tilt must be avoided
at all costs.
Loss of free will
or forfeiting self
to the judgement machine
of others opinions
is not an option.
I am a pinball wizard.

Lost

I have already lost them
it happened a long time ago
one day a decision was made
there was no turning back
Reality is harsh
denial a trap
the sooner I find acceptance
healing can begin

Little boy optimism
little girl hugs
drifting away ephemerally
like the puff of a dandelion
blowing in the wind

Dreams die hard
I do not want to let go
this is not how it is supposed to be

I want a fairy tale
a castle in the sky
I want promises of happily ever after

When did it happen
my world falling in upon itself
when did the yellow brick road
become a bed of hot coals

Every phone ringing
brings a fear of the worst
every siren
a racing heart

A pasted on smile
a mask for the world to see
so difficult to accept
you are lost to me

When did I lose myself
how can I get her back

If I don’t have hope
what is left