Disbelief

Today’s post was inspired by the current media discussion of violence against women following allegations against former CBC broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi. A question I saw earlier today asked, “How many women must speak out to equal the voice of one man?”

The room is dark
suffocating dark
Panic inducing lack of light despite sunny skies
autumn colors outdoors

It is a race to that safe place
before the spark is completely snuffed
before the dark becomes
consuming
overwhelming
overtaking all

A tiny haven awaits
sanctuary of sacred flame
buried deep within
pathway hidden

Alarm signals shrieking!
All senses on high alert!
Survival systems kick into high gear
“Do not let the flame be doused. Hold on to the light
at all costs”

Watching events unfold
as from a distance
Denial
Detachment
Betrayal

Trust is broken
cleaved into pieces by a
swift action
Shattered
Shards vibrating
Questioning
Why is this happening?
How can this be happening?

Violence
Heaving

Quiet

It has stopped

Darkness is all around

Blinded by emotion
quivering
fatigue
shame

It has stopped

But the journey
to recapture the flame
has just begun
It is buried deep
protected

A silent tear escapes

Wallowing

Woke up this morning
took a moment to see
through blurry eyes
exactly what
was looking back at me

Garbage can lids
cardboard under my head
a dumpster spilling over
can’t remember what I did
what I said

Do you have a light
can you spare a dime
I thought things would be different
this time
Do you have a light
can you spare a dime
I really thought life would be different
this time

Went to a center
finally took someone’s advice
lost my wallet, my cigarettes, my hoodie
came away with lice

Story of my life
always seems to be
no matter what it is I do
bad luck follows me

Do you have a light
can you spare a dime
I thought things would be different
this time
Do you have a light
can you spare a dime
I really thought life would be different
this time

One hundred push ups
fifty sit ups with a kick
didn’t make a difference
left me feeling kinda sick

Don’t know why the fuss
wish people would let things be
let me face my own future
wallow in misery

Do you have a light
can you spare a dime
I thought things would be different
this time
Do you have a light
can you spare a dime
I really thought life would be different
this time

Max

This post was inspired by my brother’s dog. Credit for “love sponge” goes to my wonderful friend, Janet 🙂

Spunky little schnauzer
full of pep and vigor
velvety soft curls
an ebony blanket
comforting souls
looking for solace

Bushy eyebrows
cover deep set dark eyes
but cannot hide
intelligent personality
or playful energy

Spirited miniature love sponge
generous with your affection
quivering enthusiasm
visible in the vibrating wagging
of your stubby tail

Desire to please
supersedes all
passionate devotion
sealed with a dynamic sloppy
muzzled kiss

Bullfrog Baptism

I was alone on a cloudy day
a weary fog
pregnant with plump moisture
sagged in the valleys
brushed treetops with the weight of its burden

A pungent odor permeated the thick air
as I walked outside
the smell of rot and decay
wrinkled my nose

I tried to ignore it
but the damp air trapped it
close to my body
penetrating my clothing
seeping into my pores

I walked faster
my heels clicking sharply on the gravel
crunching beneath my boots
perhaps speed
would allow me to escape the stench

Rounding a bend
beneath wet trees
releasing captured rain drip by drip
I heard a bull frog
and stopped to listen

In the stillness
I realized the foulness I smelled was with me
I tore off my jacket
flooded with relief
delighted I had removed
the offensive article

But as I continued along the path
the rotten smell slowly came back
it was as though a skunk
had sprayed me along the way

With each layer of clothing that I shed
I experienced a brief respite from
the sense of putrid death

Finally I stood naked
tears mixing with a gentle rain

I stood naked
no longer able to deny
where the smell was coming from

On my knees
face in hands
I begged an unseen power
to rid me of the fetor

I poured my heart out
to the bullfrog I had heard in the bulrushes

When I finished
silence of the forest
was broken
by a chorus of frogs
They had been there all along
I was not alone

Teardrops and raindrops
had cleansed me with the outpouring of emotion
I had unwittingly experienced
a rite of passage
No longer did I need to run from myself

This forest baptism
ablution by nature
with bullfrogs as witness
had purified my heart
my character
washed away my funky malodour
so I could recognize
sweetness and beauty within

Lost

I have already lost them
it happened a long time ago
one day a decision was made
there was no turning back
Reality is harsh
denial a trap
the sooner I find acceptance
healing can begin

Little boy optimism
little girl hugs
drifting away ephemerally
like the puff of a dandelion
blowing in the wind

Dreams die hard
I do not want to let go
this is not how it is supposed to be

I want a fairy tale
a castle in the sky
I want promises of happily ever after

When did it happen
my world falling in upon itself
when did the yellow brick road
become a bed of hot coals

Every phone ringing
brings a fear of the worst
every siren
a racing heart

A pasted on smile
a mask for the world to see
so difficult to accept
you are lost to me

When did I lose myself
how can I get her back

If I don’t have hope
what is left

Speechless

seconds
less than a minute
time it takes to cross threshold
from one room to another
life changes

voice stolen
gone
unexpected words
spoken in anger
have power to stop any motion
power to steal any utterance
vocalization
a thing of the past
articulation arrested
stunted
swallowed in disbelief

frantic heartbeat
racing thoughts
no sound escapes lips
seared together
saliva fled along with speech

flaming cheeks
follow flash of insight
no rebuttal will be justly heard
knowledge of necessary decision
crystal clear
in order to save
authentic self

Thanksgiving

Attitude
Gratitude
Acknowledging life’s gifts

Grace and wisdom
Dignity, beauty, poise
Large family gatherings
Laughter and noise

Pumpkin pie and turkey
Gravy poured with ease
Cranberries as elegant garnish
for abundant dinner, so tasty

A prayer of thanks
Recognizing all that has been given
Appreciation for life’s bounty
All that makes life worth livin’

Grateful for life’s blessings
Goodness all around
Thankful for friends and family
Whose support and love know no bounds

We Sing

How easily we fall
into thinking we are different
special
We are wonderfully individual!

But when different
equals alone
we are wrong

Alone we lose our strength
alone we fall prey to
our own false thoughts and misunderstanding
Alone we become victims of inner fears
Deep seated desires and urges
plague our thoughts
cloud our eyes
run through our veins

We are unique
We are not different
We each share a story that winds
its thread through all willing to listen
Each beating heart
recognizes the call of another
The beat stretches from the beginning
of time
and touches us all

It’s a beautiful song
we are meant to share
and sing joyously together