(image credit: Norman Rockwell)
Have you ever felt like you are someone else
looking in
looking out
You hear chatter and see smiles
volume up
volume down
You see motion
stepping fast
stepping slow
But what do you see
as time and distance strain
and fade away
What do you hear
as blasts turn to whispers
and fade away
What do you feel
as shaking turns to quivers
and fade away
someone in the mirror
fading away
(internet photo)
His touch
feels soft as silk
gently
slowly
rubbing up and down my back
tender stroke pushes hair aside
to kiss my eager lips
anticipation
quiet whisper
warm graze
everything slips away
in a moment
at the moment
one with the moment
gone
(image credit: Ghislain Bonneau)
Mother tongue
the thought permeates my being
a language shared by all
emotions infuse me
a kaleidoscope of swirling
colors and images
visible
but just outside comprehension
sounds audible
but indistinguishable
shadows
excitement
to be reconnected
understood
buoyed
on the brink of something
forgotten
bold as time
a lost language
ours to claim
I dreamt I was
walking a path
full of mazes and illusions
twists and turns forking in alternate directions
temptations to wander and explore
I met a wizard
a small man with white hair
a wizened face full of wrinkles
that gave witness to the passage of time
yet his dark eyes still held
a boyish look, an impish playful twinkle
He seemed to be holding a secret
he was bursting to tell
I could not continue
along this strange path
without having to go around
this little man
He spoke
voice level gentle soft but earnest
No one comes to me unless called
I thought it was an illusion
I had heard no call
but as I attempted to pass
one hand went up
fingers pointing to the sky
A beautiful book appeared
filigreed cover glowing
with swirls of blue and green and gold
moving like flowing water
Next the cover looked
like a glorious peacock feather
with the eye of the feather staring directly at me
The timeless druid
asked me to write
I had no pen
but my thoughts went to the parchment
as the book unfolded before me
words leapt from my mind
to the waiting page
they danced and twirled and spun
beautiful pirouettes
a ballet of ideas and fantasy
I giggled as I orchestrated
this lovely performance of words
not sure how it was happening
but grateful for the wizard’s magic
his guiding slight of hand
allowing me a glimpse of creativity at play
with reverence I gently closed the magical book
The wizard had been watching
this sublime act
so his words upon acceptance of the book
were completely unexpected
Don’t eat crackers
When this comment was met by my stunned silence
he continued saying
the meaning of the words would be clear to those
needing to hear them
It was a strange dream
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin
It feels good
silence allows
stream of steady ideas to flow overlap
disappear
It feels good
to anticipate
put energy into goals and renewal
a new start
a continuation
put to rest past demons that try to rise and smother Now
It feels good
knowing
that closure can be given to an event long overdue
it’s been knocking at the door unanswered
today
uninvited
it burst through
not willing to be denied
demanding attention
flaunting flailing expecting recognition
Despite my surprise
despite my trepidation
despite my lack of understanding
It feels good
This behaviour must stop
NOW
who is punishing who
Am I being punished by your silence
Or are you being punished by my acquiescence
The role of martyr is easy to fall into
the lure of acceptance -poor me-
showing the world how patient how sacrificing we can be
How did it come to this
to such an impasse
a test of wills
who can hold out the longest
I want to see you
I want to have you back in my life
I want to be able to call you up
and have a conversation
Let’s put this behind us
take the leap of faith
find each other again
there can be connection
it was never completely severed
despite what we both thought
Let’s find a way
I’m sorry for my role in this
for not trying harder
reaching out sooner
for suffering the silence
Let’s find a way
No questions asked
(image credit: Action Press)
jealousy ugly
envy bird whose fancy dance
leaves dark haunting thoughts
Can you help me?
I have lost something valuable
precious to me
I’m looking for something
that makes me laugh
feel happy
but more than that
something to add
a lightness to my day
a skip to my step
I am looking for something
to put a smile on my lips
and a grin on my heart
I am looking for something
that will let me see the world
through eyes of wonder
to offer gratitude for the grace
and beauty that surround me
to see beyond hurt pain
misery that can surface in life
I am looking to mend a chink in my armor
to add laughter to my arsenal
a key ingredient
an effervescent effusive
bubbling expression of deep joy
that cannot remain contained
sending contagious vibrations
outward
instantly recognizable by others
I have lost something valuable
precious to me
Can you help?
“You make a life out of what you have, not what you’re missing.” – Kate Morton
disappointment
again
lump in throat
waiting for a call that doesn’t come
mind racing
to account for reason why
thoughts toss and tumble
adrift on rough waters
of stormy emotions
tears surface but do not fall
a blind barrier
camouflaged by past hunts
to make sense of behaviour
has arisen
resignation
sadness
suffuse the room
blocking sunlight
covering all with a blanket of grey melancholy
although much has changed
much remains the same
Knees and elbows move around me
people in a hurry
lots of them on the dirty sidewalk
don’t walk on the muddy bit
Look up and see tall, tall buildings
taller than the sky
colorful cranes, too
white, red, yellow – just like Lego
one, two, three…
there’s seven!
Pop’s hand holds me tight
I tug to get his attention
try to tell him about the little lady bug
on his pants
she’s so cute
I want to carry her
He only smiles down
Pop’s takes big steps
at daycare they say, “Hurry up **”
I’m faster now
look at my new pink running shoes
I want ice cream after we stop
Can we get ice cream?
I like going for walks because mommy
says then we can get to the playground
swings are my favorite
but I like to climb, too
I wonder if we’ll get out
of all these people soon
Why are they all following us anyway?
ScribbleDartsfromtheHeart 