Expect Nothing by Alice Walker

big-snowstorm-pennsylvania

 

Expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise.
become a stranger
To need of pity
Or, if compassion be freely
Given out
Take only enough
Stop short of urge to plead
Then purge away the need.

Wish for nothing larger
Than your own small heart
Or greater than a star;
Tame wild disappointment
With caress unmoved and cold
Make of it a parka
For your soul.

Discover the reason why
So tiny human midget
Exists at all
So scared unwise
But expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise.

I Pretend

chickenwearingshoes

(internet photo)
My tongue lolls
like a dog on a hot day.
It hangs out
day ’til night
to catch shooting stars
from our first date.

No clouds are too dark or too grey
to dampen the spark you ignited.
I stand in the rain.
Your scent washes from my hair,
so recently twisted through your fingers.

My squeaky-balloon shoes
squish along the sidewalk
each step one further from you.
If I had a rooster right now
I would make it wear these noisy shoes,
take away the annoyance of your departure.
Already your absence is a giant egg beside me.
The truth as much a surprise to me
as seeing a rooster wear shoes.

A quart-berry basket full of water
is easier to manage than your absence.
I would powder my nose with an ax
rather than be away from you.
I would eat plastic grapes, breathe fire,
drive a truck with a screwdriver
if it meant I would be back with you.

My mind has shrunk to the size of a pea
my body no longer exists.

I want to wash your feet, honor you
for blessing me with the gift of your love.
As each step takes me further from you
I walk like I have a tail between my legs.
I pretend it isn’t mine.
I pretend you are still with me.

Breakthrough

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin

It feels good
silence allows
stream of steady ideas to flow overlap
disappear

It feels good
to anticipate
put energy into goals and renewal
a new start
a continuation
put to rest past demons that try to rise and smother Now

It feels good
knowing
that closure can be given to an event long overdue
it’s been knocking at the door unanswered
today
uninvited
it burst through
not willing to be denied
demanding attention
flaunting flailing expecting recognition

Despite my surprise
despite my trepidation
despite my lack of understanding

It feels good