Despondent

Air is charged
electric
stifling
Try to breathe but can only gasp
cannot inhale deep enough
cannot draw air in

Want to lay down
want to run, escape
want to read
to forget
dive into someone else’s story
so do not have to face own

Tears surface but refuse to fall
accompanying lump in throat
swells
contributing to difficulty breathing

Count…
one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three

a polka that needs to be taken down to a waltz

over and over again
count repeated until moment passes
and calmness returns

Energy is drained
but have survived
did not drop into bottomless pit
Great sadness closes in
yet life can go on

A little piece
the tiniest sliver
of self
has been restored
and can go on

But the monster comes back
furious
angry to have been kept at bay
Thrashing
consuming

All that can be done
is ride the wave of tears

tumble
roll

one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three…

Feel the pain
acknowledge guilt

Breathe

Look for the shining little sliver of self
hold on tight
despite bleeding hands
and shattered heart
hold on
hold on
to go on

High Alert

voodoo-doll
(image credit: Jorshma)

High Alert sixth sense
quantum physics
theory of relativity
incomprehensible
I’m not a scientist
but I know you need me

different province
different time zone
I feel your hurt
feel your pain

Birth cord not severed upon delivery
blood bleeds red
pulse skips
touches both
voodoo doll empathy
I’m walking along and suddenly I hurt
I think of you and know
there is pain
I do not know why
but I feel it just the same

We’re on this journey together
whether you know it or not
defying scientific principle
we remain connected

Hurting

sadness_by_s1yk
(image by s1yk)

It hurts so much
I’m not sure where I feel the pain
I know my life will never be the same

The path I’ve chosen isn’t an ordinary one
I wonder if the worst is over
or yet to come

Strength to climb mountains
courage to fly high
but facing rejection
my heart withers and dies

I know it has to happen
I know this will pass
but right at this moment
I don’t think I can last

It hurts so much
I’m not sure where I feel the pain
I wonder if my life
will be happy again

Limited Anger

anger

photo from cnnectability.ca

 
Ears ring

Hiss and Snap
not a kettle or pot boiling

Something inside

I just want to be mad for awhile
I want to rage
to holler and yell
I want the world to suffer perceived injustice
with me
I don’t want to look for the positive
or see any silver lining

The limit has been reached
Any limit
My limit

I want to let emotions flow
tears to fall
I want to steam and boil
a sulphuric geyser field
exploding
soaring
shooting energy
into the sky
a powerful force
dangerous
yet beautiful to behold
bursting confines

then

Gone
As quickly as the eruption
spent

I want that moment

Let me shed
destructive thoughts
feel angry
voice my pain

Then subside
spent

Peace restored