Despondent

Air is charged
electric
stifling
Try to breathe but can only gasp
cannot inhale deep enough
cannot draw air in

Want to lay down
want to run, escape
want to read
to forget
dive into someone else’s story
so do not have to face own

Tears surface but refuse to fall
accompanying lump in throat
swells
contributing to difficulty breathing

Count…
one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three

a polka that needs to be taken down to a waltz

over and over again
count repeated until moment passes
and calmness returns

Energy is drained
but have survived
did not drop into bottomless pit
Great sadness closes in
yet life can go on

A little piece
the tiniest sliver
of self
has been restored
and can go on

But the monster comes back
furious
angry to have been kept at bay
Thrashing
consuming

All that can be done
is ride the wave of tears

tumble
roll

one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three…

Feel the pain
acknowledge guilt

Breathe

Look for the shining little sliver of self
hold on tight
despite bleeding hands
and shattered heart
hold on
hold on
to go on

The Chase

Self compassion peeks
tentatively
around a corner
aware of censor lurking
ready to pounce on any opportunity
Forming an unholy trinity
along with self judgment and perfection
this triad wields a hefty mallet
capable of quashing any forward progress

As compassion takes a chance
stepping into the limelight
the chase is on
Prudence and caution
dart in and out
with guilt and blame
they hunt
grace and tenderness

Hope and resilience join
to give compassion strength
together they soundly rise above
negative quibbles
They giggle with the realization
that censor is not the authoritative leader
it deliberately claims to be

Compassion’s gentle trio
add a breezy freshness to outlook
Sending censor, judgment and perfection
back to the shadows
void of their influence