Despondent

Air is charged
electric
stifling
Try to breathe but can only gasp
cannot inhale deep enough
cannot draw air in

Want to lay down
want to run, escape
want to read
to forget
dive into someone else’s story
so do not have to face own

Tears surface but refuse to fall
accompanying lump in throat
swells
contributing to difficulty breathing

Count…
one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three

a polka that needs to be taken down to a waltz

over and over again
count repeated until moment passes
and calmness returns

Energy is drained
but have survived
did not drop into bottomless pit
Great sadness closes in
yet life can go on

A little piece
the tiniest sliver
of self
has been restored
and can go on

But the monster comes back
furious
angry to have been kept at bay
Thrashing
consuming

All that can be done
is ride the wave of tears

tumble
roll

one – two – three
one – two – three
one – two – three…

Feel the pain
acknowledge guilt

Breathe

Look for the shining little sliver of self
hold on tight
despite bleeding hands
and shattered heart
hold on
hold on
to go on

5 thoughts on “Despondent

  1. irinadim says:

    Very powerful description of depression, Mary.
    “Look for the shining little sliver of self
    hold on tight” …I expressed similar sentiments in my poem ‘Purple Head’, now in my book ‘Dreams on my Pillow’.

    http://irinadim.com/2013/11/06/purple-head/

    • mincs1 says:

      Irina, thank-you for the link to your expressive poem, Purple Head. I can see the similar sentiment but I love how you wrote: “She hears a thin pale blue voice…God is love” and decide to cling to the call, the message of the voice. It is a beautiful expression of how one can find hope in darkness!

  2. irinadim says:

    Reblogged this on Irina's Poetry Corner and commented:
    Beautiful poem about depression!

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