In a Funk

Today is a melancholy day
Last night ‘lack of confidence’ arrived
along with her companion ‘cynicism’
followed closely by ‘sadness’ and ‘depression’
It’s a crowd
my soul balks at their presence

Rose colored glasses were trampled in haste
as these visitors clambered to enter my day
before my eyes were fully awake

An opaque shroud of blurred vision
with a fearful tinge of imagined obstacles
was left behind
the ‘Bogey man’ under the bed
who rode in on the coattails of these intruders

Misty grey skies
echo my somber mood

I have invited rest
to keep me company
as I hope sleep will escort
these uninvited callers elsewhere
while my eyes are closed

Access Denied

locked door

(image from flickr.com)

The door is locked
and you won’t share the key

Sometimes I catch you in there
when you think I won’t notice

like the Garden of Eden
fruit of all trees can be eaten
except one

I have access to all rooms
except one

I don’t desire knowledge
for I know what’s in there

Neatly packaged bundles of memory
wrapped with the bonds of time

some bursting their ties
swollen with retelling

others tattered around the edges
faded and worn

I want to throw the door open
dust away cobwebs

let in the light of day
cut the bonds of these tightly held packages
loose the memories

releasing
like a boat being untied from its mooring
ready to accept a new adventure

but the door remains locked
and you won’t share the key

My Visit to Dordrecht, Netherlands

Brug naar de Tijd, Grote Kerk met Zwijndrechtse brug, Dordrecht,
(photo by Frank Peters)

Colorful echoes of the past
collide with bright visions of the future
Slow steady rain drenches ambition and desire
Need for heat and warmth
propels feet forward
Wetness seeps into fabric, into pores
permeates a moment that has been experienced
by many before
Standing below historical buildings with
their antique facades
Now
seems to be the only thing that matters
yet Now was thought to be
equally important one thousand years ago
Determined explorers, rowdy sailors, sly traders, clever merchants
All who passed this way
share Now
it has come and gone and come again
as colorful echoes of the past
collide with bright visions of the future

Going Through the Motions

Have you ever felt like you were simple going through the motions? You say the right thing, what people want to hear you say. You wear what you are expected to wear, your smile is sunny but doesn’t quite reach your eyes if anyone cared to stop and take a closer look.

The hello, the how are you, bursts of conversation without any depth. You start to reply but as you are talking you realize no one is listening. They didn’t really want to know how you are. They are caught up in their own thoughts, worries and fears.

They too are rushing head long through their days without a clear path of where they are going. Bobbing along like a cork in a stream. Trying not to get tossed around too much. But unlike the cork which is blissfully unaware of its tumultuous ride, you are using all you’ve got to keep your head above water.

Movements can be surreal. Like watching from a distance as your life unfolds. You can see what is happening but feel powerless to change. Your suggestions remain unheard, your prompting unheeded. Your invisibility radiates outward encompassing more and more until those automated motions are the only way to cope.

Note to self:
Must break out of Auto Pilot!

Puppy Love

Japanese Bonsai Maple

 

My husband and I have an ongoing argument
over the merits of getting a puppy
Our conversations go back and forth
between pros and cons
Ping pong of Olympic proportions

puppies bring joy
puppies are work
puppies love unconditionally
puppies require care and attention
puppies are loyal
puppies chew shoes

A battle of wills
Undertaken with love
no clear winner
A stalemate

Recently we stopped
enroute to a friend’s home
lunch date scheduled

Forty-five minutes elapsed
We lobbed to and fro
merits of purchasing a
Janpanese Bonsai Maple

We were late for lunch

Peals of laughter
split the air
Our friend astutely observed
If a plant caused that much
discussion and consternation
we were in no way ready
to take on a puppy

No puppy has been brought
into our home
We do have
A beautiful new zen plant

City Park Springtime

City life glimpses:
Greyhound
shaggy grey and white fringe
hangs in its eyes; patiently
waiting for owner to finish reunion
friends not seen since winter hiatus

Mama and papa geese stand guard
over brood of goslings who
waddle and stumble drunkenly
along muddy river bank

Green herbs outside busy restaurant
fill small wooden garden boxes
wait expectantly for use in
fresh salad or to add delicate flavor
to delicious entrees

Pedestrians amble
jackets and sweaters unzipped
tied around waist
wrapped around shoulders
air warmer than expected

Young lovers pose along bridge
spontaneous selfie
quick kiss
lingering embrace
self consciously pull apart
as others approach

Toddler whizzes by on wooden strider
oblivious to any danger
excitement alive on his face
His mother several paces behind
awkward on roller blades
her staccato movement
sharp contrast to son’s
blithe freedom

Cyclists zip along
warning bell heard second before flash past

Dogs on leash
obedient
tugging
dodging other park users

A flurry of activity
as city dwellers shed winter cloak
welcoming spring

Reaching Out

How difficult it must be for you
Here I am
wallowing in my own self-pity
Poor me
Woe is me
What must it be like for you
How difficult is it to contain your anger
Or is it disappointment
Disapproval
Sadness

Sad for the loss of a life
you hoped to have
Two parents who live together happily ever after
Perhaps you’ve been disappointed in who I am
Seeing me as I am
flaws out there for all to see
Not acceptable
Not the person you had in mind

Maybe you feel you had to make a choice
Not so
I’ve never been given a chance
to argue my case
Do I have a case
It wasn’t me asking you to make a choice

Whatever your reason
it doesn’t matter
I’m sad
I can’t deny that
I want you to know
no matter what
I love you
I want only the best for you
I wish you well
Perhaps one day
I will fit into your life, too