Cat and Mouse

It’s a game of cat and mouse.
You hide.
I seek.
You disappear,
appear,
vanish
and reappear again.
All while I am
one step
behind.

A magical illusion occurs.
I see a rabbit
lifted from a hat.
I fail to see where it goes.
I fail to see where it goes
when the magician releases the long ears.
When you stride off
I fail to see where you go.

I sigh with relief when I see your smile.
I think it is over
but off you go again.
The pattern repeats.
There is no end.
It is a game of perpetual motion
but I do not want to play anymore.
I am tired of chasing you
chasing dreams
chasing hopes for the future.

Rules keep changing to meet your needs.
Your hungry craving
to hide in the shadows
leaves me tip toeing
through muddy streets and
entering places I did not know
anyone could go.
I am scared you will
get lost and forget your way
out of the corner
that draws you
from the light.

I am afraid
that I will only fit
going in
and will not be able to wiggle
and slither
myself
back
to the light of day.

It is exhausting.

I don’t want to play anymore.
You are so engrossed.

The game has taken on
a life of its own.

Going Through the Motions

Have you ever felt like you were simple going through the motions? You say the right thing, what people want to hear you say. You wear what you are expected to wear, your smile is sunny but doesn’t quite reach your eyes if anyone cared to stop and take a closer look.

The hello, the how are you, bursts of conversation without any depth. You start to reply but as you are talking you realize no one is listening. They didn’t really want to know how you are. They are caught up in their own thoughts, worries and fears.

They too are rushing head long through their days without a clear path of where they are going. Bobbing along like a cork in a stream. Trying not to get tossed around too much. But unlike the cork which is blissfully unaware of its tumultuous ride, you are using all you’ve got to keep your head above water.

Movements can be surreal. Like watching from a distance as your life unfolds. You can see what is happening but feel powerless to change. Your suggestions remain unheard, your prompting unheeded. Your invisibility radiates outward encompassing more and more until those automated motions are the only way to cope.

Note to self:
Must break out of Auto Pilot!