White Flag

surrendar

This behaviour must stop
NOW
who is punishing who
Am I being punished by your silence
Or are you being punished by my acquiescence

The role of martyr is easy to fall into
the lure of acceptance -poor me-
showing the world how patient how sacrificing we can be

How did it come to this
to such an impasse
a test of wills
who can hold out the longest

I want to see you
I want to have you back in my life
I want to be able to call you up
and have a conversation

Let’s put this behind us
take the leap of faith
find each other again
there can be connection
it was never completely severed
despite what we both thought

Let’s find a way

I’m sorry for my role in this
for not trying harder
reaching out sooner
for suffering the silence

Let’s find a way
No questions asked

Searching for Joy

Question-Mark

Can you help me?
I have lost something valuable
precious to me
I’m looking for something
that makes me laugh
feel happy
but more than that

something to add
a lightness to my day
a skip to my step
I am looking for something
to put a smile on my lips
and a grin on my heart

I am looking for something
that will let me see the world
through eyes of wonder
to offer gratitude for the grace
and beauty that surround me
to see beyond hurt pain
misery that can surface in life

I am looking to mend a chink in my armor
to add laughter to my arsenal
a key ingredient
an effervescent effusive
bubbling expression of deep joy
that cannot remain contained
sending contagious vibrations
outward
instantly recognizable by others

I have lost something valuable
precious to me
Can you help?

Waiting

“You make a life out of what you have, not what you’re missing.” – Kate Morton

disappointment

again

lump in throat
waiting for a call that doesn’t come

mind racing
to account for reason why
thoughts toss and tumble
adrift on rough waters
of stormy emotions

tears surface but do not fall
a blind barrier
camouflaged by past hunts
to make sense of behaviour
has arisen

resignation
sadness
suffuse the room
blocking sunlight
covering all with a blanket of grey melancholy

although much has changed
much remains the same

Ignited

Ember glows hot
Fire not quite out
Glowing coal lay waiting for exact moment
to burst
combustion
conception
a flaming demented life
irrational
uncontrollable
racing here and there
no apparent course

Ignites in a flash
consumes all in its path
consumes itself
destruction
hollow burnt shell
ashes
all that remain

Healing

wounded-eyes-wallpaper

(image credit: wallpaper.com)

World seen through wounded eyes
bruised shades of purple and black taint sight
timid feet afraid of open space
fear fits like a leather moccasin
malleable, familiar
want to remain on dysfunctional path

Heart cries tearless sadness for lost potential
pumps staccato beat of marching band refrain
encourages determination, change

Quiet reflection soothes and calms
eyes adjust focus
wounds heal
vision is renewed