Sunday

Yesterday I published my first post referencing the ongoing battle between personal censor and self. It felt liberating to tuck the censor away – at least for the time being.

As I was nearing the end of a run yesterday I saw a homeless person. He looked like he was wearing several layers of clothing, he was unshaven, shaky and stumbling, and his eyes had the look of a startled deer when he realized that I saw him. I didn’t smile at him. I ran faster. Then I wondered why. What threat was he to me? Why wasn’t I thinking how I could help him? That incident was the inspiration for today’s post.

Sunday

Today is Sunday
a day of worship for many
a day of rest for others
a day of survival for some…

Getting by, getting through
making it until night

Going through motions
putting on Sunday best
putting on slippers
putting on a garbage bag to stop the rain

Trying to remain invisible, on the sidelines
staying out of sight

There may be laughter
a special dinner to eat
a special book to read
a special spot dug out by a culvert

Crawling in, passing time
numb to all around

Today is Sunday
What do you see?
The gift of a life to live

There are others
all around

Wishing for the same, wishing for change
giving up the fight

Open our eyes
see the homeless
see the downtrodden
see a reflection of life on the edge

Someone’s brother, someone’s sister
mother, father, son or daughter; a friend

We are they
They are us
and cannot remain in the shadows
They are worthy of the fight

It’s not about you

Today is a celebratory day
A day of taking steps
baby steps
toward a goal I have hung onto longer than I care to think about

I know what you are going to say
You do it all the time
It’s a pattern we have shared since the beginning

I get excited and filled with enthusiasm
You pull in the reins
And it has become such an ingrained habit between us
that sometimes I don’t even realize that is what is happening

Remember when I came home with a new hair cut?
As I was admiring the style and shine in the mirror
You popped in to give your opinion: “It looks pretty good but maybe you went a little too short. It kind of makes you look like you have pudgy cheeks.”

When I decided to try a new clothing style that was comfortable and free flowing, made me feel relaxed and easy going; you took one look and didn’t even hesitate to speak your mind. “It might be a good look for a hippie or yogi but that’s not you. Who are you trying to fool?”

Last time I took a risk
You didn’t even hide behind a veiled compliment.
You laughed out loud and gave me the raised eyebrow look
“Really?”

Today is going to be different
I’m on to you and your well meaning but sabotaging ways.
Already I hear you protesting loudly
“But what about this? Or did you think about that?”

I hear you and acknowledge you
But I am stronger, braver, willing to be vulnerable
I am willing to take my chances that I can handle both this and that!

Today your attempts to derail me
are only attempts
Today is not about you
It’s about me
I’m taking the step
I’m smiling as I do it; flushed cheeks, racing heart, queasy stomach and all.

Today is a celebratory day
It’s not about you
It’s about me!