Searching

Sadness, sorrow, melancholy, blue
underlying feeling of loss
on the outside
can’t see in

Been together a long time
part of me won’t belong
No blame
No fault
part of life
hurts just the same
impossible to ignore

Not sure where I belong
don’t quite fit in
“Blood is thicker than water”
Not true!
How can own flesh and blood
own DNA
push one aside?
How horrible

Don’t feel real

so much promise
so much disappointment

struggle to maintain balance

push hard, run far
momentary blank
hurt from exertion
instead of internal pain that rises

problem yours
not mine
Not so!
can’t pretend nothing is wrong

Silence
holds far reaching repercussions

drifting, senseless unease

Many wonderful opportunities
Daily gifts provoke gratitude
Still…

Deep sense of something missing
close to the edge
threatens to swallow me
Whole

A fine balance
take care not to misstep

Weave and dodge through daily routine
skill of one who seems to have it all
A smile here, nod there,
cluck of disapproval
hug for one in need

Others oblivious

Terror
slip in the abyss

Hide it well

Sadness permeates all I do
Take nothing for granted

Much to be grateful for
If only I knew
Where I belong

2 thoughts on “Searching

  1. Karen says:

    While I observe in life that for some, blood is thicker than water like you, this is not true for me and I don’t believe we’re in the minority. So what to do? What works for me is to forge strong bonds with those whose hearts and minds I connect with and with whom I share mutual respect and integrity. Hard to push the DNA connection aside but when it’s toxic it only tears us apart and causes us to live our life in a way that places blame and responsibility on the wrong shoulders.

  2. mincs1 says:

    I believe what you say is so true, Karen. Learning boundaries, and learning to let go of a toxic relationship can be very difficult. Focusing on relationships of mutual respect and integrity can make the letting go a little easier to accept, and help keep one’s own sense of self intact.

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