5 thoughts on “Barn Owl

  1. Meghan Jones says:

    Hmm…Are you playing with the juxtaposition of a thick fog, opaque sky, with its implication of light not being able to pierce through, and the piercing of the owl’s talons? Does the owl’s talons pierce the fog? I feel as though this haiku is a bit more contrived, Mary; if you will forgive my direct feedback.

    That said, the fascinating thing about haiku poetry is that is can have multiple interpretations. Indeed, haiku can be shaped by the reader as much as the writer.

    May I be so bold as to give another version? I do not intend to suggest this version is better. It may even be worse!

    Thick fog falls over me
    unexpectedly heavy
    Owl shriek pierces through

    Let me know what you think, please!

  2. mincs1 says:

    Thanks for your feedback, Meghan. I like the haiku that you wrote! It’s interesting that you have called me out on this one because I really have struggled with it. This is what I originally wrote:
    Heavy opaque air
    descends unexpectedly
    barn owl eyes spy prey
    I looked at it the following day and edited it to what is posted above. I was trying to show that an owl’s eyes are sharp enough to pierce the dense fog which allows it’s sharp talons to pierce its prey. Somehow I was trying to get the two images together.

  3. Meghan says:

    Thank you for your comments, Mary! I am really glad you shared with me your original, which I actually think is much closer to what you wanted to capture. Isn’t it interesting that when we struggle with a piece we often overwork it? Well, that is certainly true of me!

    Sometimes I think that if we write out in prose style what we want to try to capture then we know what we’re aiming for in our poetic form. Does this make sense? You have a a clear image of what you want to express. Perhaps revisiting the prose description as you have given here in your comment can help guide you to a more satisfying haiku.

    Mouse quivers with fear
    shrieks as talons close over
    fog no foe for Owl

    Now I am having a lovely challenge to see if I can write a haiku that would capture your vision. The problem with my second attempt is that the heavy dense quality of the fog does not come through as strongly.

    How might you write your haiku now? 🙂

  4. mincs1 says:

    I will revisit this piece and let you know what surfaces. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and ideas, Meghan. I look forward to playing with this!

    • Meghan says:

      Please don’t feel you need to revisit this unless you really want to, Mary. I have rambled on about this haiku in part because I was wide awake & wired! Did you note that I was writing at 2:22 A.M.? 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s